Everyone Knows Someone

When we say, “everyone knows someone”, it’s not a figure of speech.

It’s a reality. Many of us have a friend, a colleague, a family member or an acquaintance who is experiencing abuse at home - or we may even know someone affected without realising.

In the UK, one in five adults experience domestic abuse in their lifetime. So, if you know five people, the chances are you know someone who is or will be affected.

At Next Chapter, we believe that standing up, reaching out, and holding space for someone is one of the most powerful ways we can all make a difference.

What is domestic abuse?

Domestic abuse is not just a moment of anger, or a one-off incident. It’s a pattern of behaviour carried out by someone to gain power and control in an intimate or family relationship. Behaviours may be controlling, coercive, threatening, humiliating, isolating - or physical or sexual violence.

In short: abuse is always underpinned by power and control.

Someone you care about may not even recognise what’s happening as “abuse”. It might be financial manipulation, stalking, digital surveillance, or emotional abuse. The person harming them might even tell them it’s normal, or that “it’s not that bad”. But when you pay attention, support becomes possible.

How domestic abuse can impact someone

Domestic abuse affects every part of a person’s life. It can cause fear, anxiety, isolation, and loss of confidence. Many people experience sleep problems, difficulty concentrating, or changes in mood. It can affect their work, friendships, and finances - sometimes even their housing or immigration status.

Because the effects reach so deeply, it can take time for someone to recognise what’s happening or to feel ready to talk about it. Noticing changes - like withdrawal, unexplained absences, or visible stress - can be early indicators that something isn’t right.

How you can support someone you believe is experiencing abuse

Starting a safe conversation

If you’re worried about someone, it can be hard to know what to say. You don’t need the perfect words - what matters is showing care and openness. Choose a calm, private moment, and gently share what you’ve noticed.

You might say:

I’ve noticed you don’t seem yourself lately - is everything okay?

I’m here if you ever want to talk about what’s going on.

You deserve to feel safe and supported.

Avoid pressing for details or making assumptions. A simple, non-judgemental question can open a door - and help someone start to confide when they’re ready.

If you’re worried about someone else - a friend, partner, parent, co-worker - there are practical, compassionate ways to help. At Next Chapter, we encourage you to:

1. Listen and believe

If someone chooses to open up to you about the abuse, it’s already a brave step. Acknowledge their courage. They’ve put a lot of trust in you. Let them express themselves without interruption or judgement. Saying “I believe you” can matter more than you know.

Avoid telling them what you would do, or what they should do. Instead: “I’m here for you,” “You’re not alone,” “You don’t deserve this,” “It’s not your fault.” These words matter.

2. Let them make their own choices

Abuse often strips someone of control. So, while it’s instinctive to want to fix things quickly - to rescue or decide for them - what matters most is respecting their options. Encourage, but don’t push. It may not feel like the “right time” yet. The person will know how to keep themselves safe, so don't encourage them to do something that might put them in more danger. The best thing is to encourage them to seek expert support and advice.

3. Know your boundaries - and your safety

Supporting someone should never mean putting yourself in harm’s way. If there’s immediate danger, call the police or another emergency service.  
If you’re interacting with the person being abused: avoid confronting the alleged abuser or being seen as a threat to the relationship - this may escalate things.

4. Use safe, empowering language

Avoid judgement, blame or “should” statements that put pressure on the person. For example:

Don’t say: “If I were you, I’d leave.”

Instead: “I understand how complex this is. I’m here for you.”

Don’t say: “What did you do to provoke them?”

Instead: “You deserve to feel safe. None of this is your fault.”

5. Offer information and support options

You don’t need to have all the answers - but pointing them to expert help can be a lifeline. Let them know there are confidential services, helplines, and local support tailored to survivors.

In Essex, Compass is the port of call for anyone affected by domestic abuse. We work closely with them, and partner agencies, to ensure every survivor is given the most appropriate support possible.

We’ve put together an option map to help guide you:

Why we say “Everyone Knows Someone”

Because abuse doesn’t happen in isolation. Because the ripple effects reach beyond the person directly harmed - into workplaces, friendships, families, communities. Because silence allows abuse to continue, and because one person reaching out can change the story.

If you think you might know someone who is being hurt - trust that instinct. You don’t need to have proof. You don’t need to wait for them to ask for help. Sometimes what matters is simply being someone who is there.

A few things to remember

• You’re not alone. Many people feel unsure what to say or do - and that’s okay.

• Small actions count. A text, a safe meeting, a listening ear: these can matter hugely.

• You matter too. Supporting someone else can be emotionally demanding. Make sure you have your own support network.

If you believe someone is in immediate danger

If the person you are worried about is at risk of physical harm right now, call emergency services (in the UK: 999) without delay. Their safety comes first. Then you can help them access the longer-term support they need.

How Next Chapter can help

At Next Chapter, we’re committed to raising awareness and support around domestic abuse. We offer:

• Resources & guides for friends, family and colleagues of people experiencing abuse.

• Ways to access safe, local support services.

• Community networks to help people feel less isolated.

• Training and workshops to help people recognise and respond to signs of abuse.

If you’re reading this and thinking: Yes - this is someone I know, then you’re already doing something.

Making an active effort to care, notice and reach out - that matters. No one has to face domestic abuse alone. And by being there, you can help turn isolation into connection, fear into safety, silence into support.

If you're outside of Essex, you can find alternative support options near you by using the Women's Aid Directory.

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