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I have found that some clients tend to play the abuse down if it hasn’t got physical, but what a lot of people don’t realise is, any type of abuse can have the same effect on one person, sometimes even worse. For example, emotional abuse can have just as much affect on one person as physical abuse can. The bruises and scars that are not visible from psychological, emotional and coercive abuse take a long time to heal. All domestic abuse is a crime and no one should have to live in fear. Read more
The IDVA team understands the impact lockdown has had and the additional difficulties, this has for our victims/survivors of domestic abuse for we all continue to break down these barriers and continue to be innovative in how we offer our support. Read more
So, imagine for a moment that you’ve summoned up the courage to finally leave, you’re feeling vulnerable and afraid and understandably really nervous about what the future might hold –you have to try and find your way through all that…. that's if you even knew half of it existed in the first place or where and how to start to getting in touch with them… So that's where we IDVA’S come in. Read more
Our aim is to fill the women who come in with power and independence. For many they have lost this and it takes time to get the ability to make decisions for themselves again. Sometimes we advise women on what their options are but we never make choices for them as this is part of gaining their independence back. We assist to ensure that they are in receipt of benefits, assist with housing applications and to gain legal orders. Read more
When a family or single lady decides to leave her situation and arrives in refuge it can be a daunting experience, so our staff do their utmost to make this journey as pleasurable as we can. Each flat-let is dressed with a new duvet, cover, sheets, pillows, towels, toiletries and food, these are all gifted to our clients to take on their forward journey. Read more
There is no such thing as a typical day at the Recovery Refuge but there are a host of regular tasks such as supervising medication, monitoring for abstinence and keeping the place safe, answering the phone/door, a resident needing to speak to someone etc. and as much as you may plan your day, it will often move in a different direction to your plan. If you don’t pay enough attention to these, you can be as creative as you like but you will be working in chaos. The work in between these regular Read more
Our clients do understand what it’s like to be in this situation and often try to look after each other, Many of our clients become good friends and stay in touch after they leave. Read more
Refuge is a safe space, where women and children who have experienced domestic abuse can come to rebuild their lives free from abuse and get help and support to build resilience for their futures. Read more
If you are reading this, or thinking about getting help, then you, could well be on your way to a life without abuse. Here at The Next Chapter you will find all the support and guidance you need, with an amazing team who are dedicated and work tirelessly to help victims of domestic abuse live the life we all have the right to live. Free from abuse. Read more
These are all perfectly natural feelings and reactions to loss and grief and some may even compare it to a bereavement. Even if you don’t feel that way at all you may have been left feeling empty and confused or angry. We might constantly be bargaining with ourselves still or find that depression has taken over. We all deal with loss in our own individual ways and this is what makes each of us so unique. This is perfectly normal too. Read more
If you are a young person reading this blog, you need to know that if someone is making you feel afraid in your relationship, afraid that they’re going to hurt you or afraid to disagree with them or disobey them, then it is not normal and it is never your fault. Talk. Talk to your mum, your dad, your friend, your teacher. Swallow your pride of knowing best (let’s face it, you still do!) but tell them what’s going on and let them help you. There is always a way out. Read more
The actions of individuals are influenced by the norms, values, language, and other cultural factors that are like the dust in the air that surrounds everyone. These cultural factors are ingrained in us from the day we are born, and can play a role in either ending or perpetuating domestic abuse. Read more
You suddenly realise that this is not – as he tells you - about being loved and protected, but about being undermined, trapped and abused. Nevertheless, that moment when the uniformed police officers knock on the door can be one of the most frightening, anxious and loneliest times for anybody, and at the same time it can be the moment you – maybe shakily- but surely , start moving towards a life of dignity, respect, peace and safety for you and your children. Read more
We often hear how they can act one way in front of others but behind closed doors they are a different person. Its like they are Jekyll and Hyde. The one side of him that you love and then there is the other side to him. One that no one really knows about other then you. It doesn’t always start with the extreme. They started with the digs, the put downs, the making you feel like your going crazy. The little things that you can’t quite put your finger on but gives you that feeling in your tummy. Read more
Most people would assume that domestic abuse is the physical part, but is it much more than that; It is name calling, shouting, constant putting down, humiliations, swearing, cruel comments and so much more. This will slowly force its way into the victim’s thoughts and the feeling of emptiness, sadness, uselessness will replace the inner beauty and confidence. Those will be broken into thousand of pieces and scattered all over until nothing is left… so, the question is Can you get it back? Read more
What is Mental Health? Mental Health includes our emotional, psychological and social wellbeing. It affects how we think and feel. Our mental health determines our relationships with other people, how we handle stress and deal with daily life, and can impact on the choices we make... Read more
We know from speaking to our clients, that the lockdown has meant that some perpetrators may not be able to feed their addictions, or they may be over feeding their addictions due to boredom or frustration and this in turn will be affecting their mental health. There is so much research about the dangerous cocktail of this ‘toxic trio’ (the combination of domestic abuse, substance misuse and mental health issues) as it leads to emotions being intensified which in turn drives behaviours. Read more
We’ve talked about emotional support for young children, staying safe at home and child contact but for young people there may be further issues that need to be thought about – how do we reach in - relate - and make sure they feel supported living in a household with abuse or experiencing abuse in their own relationships? Read more
One of the things that we know schools assist with is the exchange of children between parents for contact. An agreement that is fairly common is that children will see the parent they don’t live with permanently every other weekend – and school acts as a safe way for this exchange to take place. But what happens now that schools are closed? Who can facilitate a safe handover? Read more
Last week we focused on our own psychological safety (routine so important here) and helping our children to feel emotionally safe – but what about being physically safe? For many children living in a household with domestic abuse, school provided the routine and much-needed respite. With schools closed and communities ‘shut down’, how can we help ourselves and our children to stay safe when violence erupts. Read more
Have you ever tried to reason with your child when they are angry, upset, shouting or curled up in a ball? Have you ever tried to discuss things like homework or screen time when your child has had a friendship fall out or issue with a teacher? The last of our blogs this week will explain a bit about why this might seem almost impossible at times and some approaches to help... Read more
Try to have a routine as best you can – perhaps one thing is a focus for the day, whether it’s making a worry jar, or doing the fight/flight exercise or creating the safe space – having a focus will give you a sense of achievement even when the day feels horribly long and you want to stay under that duvet! Read more
I know many of you will be familiar with the fight/flight, freeze response (sometimes just referred to as fight/flight) but in a nutshell this response is triggered when we perceive there is increased risk of threat or danger – the body activates the fight, flight or freeze response for survival. When this is triggered, it makes learning new information and concentrating on anything really difficult as you are consumed with just trying to stay safe. Read on to hear more about this response... Read more
So, you survived Monday! Well done. One of the things that I am really missing is seeing my friends and family – we know that ‘being connected’ is really important for our mental health and emotional wellbeing. Having close positive relationships gives us a purpose and a sense of belonging. During this lockdown many of the ways we are usually connected to people – friends, family, work colleagues, school chums – have changed beyond all recognition. Read more
So, who would have thought that we would ever find ourselves in this situation? I can’t believe that the things that we have taken for granted in our daily lives have now gone and I know that this can leave many feeling fearful and uncertain. Read more