Get help: 0330 333 7 444 or 01206 500585
The abuse cycle is a cleverly orchestrated process. It is designed to be this way by your abuser. They want you to feel lost, they want you to doubt yourself, then you will ‘need’ them even more. This feeds their ever-desperate ego. Read more
Victim blaming is something we have all heard of, it’s something we know is unacceptable but what if we are doing this to ourselves? Getting your own mind to stop sabotaging itself is probably just as hard as breaking away from the abuser. Read more
A Stalker is someone who spends a lot of time thinking about how to Stalk someone. We describe this behaviour using the acronym FOUR; Fixed, Obsessed, Unwanted, and Repeated. Stalking is not ok, it’s illegal. If you have chosen to end a relationship, you do not deserve unwanted contact, or threats, or to have your ex-partner turn up uninvited or harass others in your life. Read more
We can provide vital support to help victims of stalking, here at Next Chapter we have trained staff members that will help you every step of the way. Click here to read Jenny's story of stalking and how we were able to help her to now live a life free from stalking and domestic abuse. Read more
Understanding the reasons and the countless barriers that stand in the way for any woman who is attempting to leave an abusive relationship is the important part. We will never just ask a woman to leave, we empower women to make their own decisions in an attempt to hold abusers to account for their behaviour. Read more
This is something we say without really thinking too much about it when we talk to our friends and family, it’s a question, but not one we take a lot of notice of, as we all generally reply ‘good’ or ‘fine’ even when we are not really feeling that way. So, if we have our doubts we could consider How are they really? Read more
It is so important to raise awareness of sexual abuse, the many forms it can take and why many women subconsciously accept the abuse as normal in their relationship. Read more
Rape and sexual assaults do happen in relationships and if something isn’t comfortable or not wanted then regardless of relationship status should not happen. Read more
A few months ago, there was a serious incident whereby the police were called, the abuser was taken into custody. Dawn was relieved but at the same time terrified of what the implications would now mean for her and the kids. Thankfully, Dawn was referred to our services by the Police Officer who had attended that night. Dawn knew deep down that she had no choice but to face this now, head on, she was sooooo brave in doing so. Read more
One of my real highs was with a client who had endured abuse for 18 years, to ensure her safety and anonymity, I will be calling her Rebecca. Rebecca’s abuse took the form of coercive control, isolation from friends and family, manipulation, and physical abuse. She had already taken a major step in her journey before coming into our service, by splitting up with her perpetrator. The outstanding abuse and issues that needed to be resolved mainly occurred through child contact, which is sadly the Read more
Maybe this relationship is not quite what you thought it was, last Christmas was truly amazing but this Christmas you are just not sure what is going on. He is slowly starting to stop you from being who you want to be, maybe your friends and family have pointed out that you are distant or seem unhappy? This is the time to speak to someone, Next Chapter are here to listen and offer advice, it can be hard to discuss these types of worries to people you are close to and who know your partner. Read more
Following a serious incident of domestic abuse toward Martin by his partner, he was advised to seek support from The Next Chapter. When Martin first engaged in our services he made it very clear that he loved his partner and had no intention of leaving her. He said that he wanted support, as he often felt tearful and overwhelmed by the situation. He also felt embarrassed as it was ‘his job as a man’ to take care of his family and keep them safe. Read more
Annie referred herself to our service earlier this year for support and advice around leaving a relationship, and most importantly safeguarding herself and her daughter. Reaching out for support was a major milestone for Annie, this was something she had thought about several times before but for many reasons was unable too. On some occasions, the perpetrator would talk her out of ending the relationship by minimising or denying the abuse, and for others Annie doubted whether she had the streng Read more
Jane struggled to understand why it happened to her, what was wrong with her and how to break the emotional ties to her abuser. Sharing a child with Toni made it even more difficult as he would often accuse her of preventing him from being a father as a further way to manipulate her and play on her emotions. Jane has found herself torn between being told not to go back for her safety and the safety of her child and feelings of love and the believe that she needs to help Toni. Read more
After she was assaulted by her partner, Emily ended her relationship. After her partner left, she tried to make sure that their children still had a good relationship with their dad. This was not easy because he used the fact that he had contact with the children to be verbally abusive to Emily and to make unreasonable demands about contact. He also made promises to the children which he did not keep. This left them upset and meant Emily had to deal with the fall out. Read more
Christmas is a time to be with your family, ‘It’s not about the gifts’ they say, ‘it’s about spending time with those you love’. What happens when the one’s who are supposed to love you actually jeopardise your safety? What then? How does that make for a Family Christmas? One gift that we feel is really important this Christmas is the gift of safety, love and support. We all need this, it’s something we all deserve. Read more
Anne and myself have been working together through her trauma, in this time I have seen her go from strength to strength. On the tough days we have spoken things through, re-assuring her that she did deserve a life without abuse, she wasn’t overthinking things and she was believed. On the good days we have celebrated her milestones together, cheering and clapping reflecting back on her progress. Read more
Many of my clients talk to me about the fear of not creating the ‘perfect’ Christmas for their families, especially if there is ongoing domestic abuse. There is dread of Christmas not going to plan and believing it will be their fault and they will be blamed. My advice is clear, Christmas is one day and does not have to be perfect. Taking on the responsibility to make everything picture-perfect, is an impossible task. You are responsible for yourself and your children. Read more
For Christmas, this year we have decided to focus on the positives that we have achieved as a team and the successes that our clients have achieved with our support. 2020 has been a strange year for everyone – to say the least! But instead of focusing on the bad, let me tell you about a recent client I worked alongside to leave her abusive relationship. Read more
Slowly I started to realised that this would never change. That my prince charming doesn’t exist, it was just a mask and a trap to lure me in. I started looking for a way out. I couldn’t tell my friends and family the truth, they would judge me. They would ask me questions like “why didn’t you leave before?”, “why did you stay?” and “why did you have a baby with him?”. They would never understand that the hope my prince charming would return was stronger that any rational thinking. Read more
Setting up a new home is a great relief for my families. Finding that they can re-gain some sense of normality quickly takes a great weight off their shoulders, to know that they are not just left to do it all on their own once leaving refuge is really helpful. Read more
Indeed, school is out for summer but actually it’s been out since before the start of the Spring term. It feels an age since we had the routine of school around us to help us manage our day and our children could socialise with their friends as they used to. We know schools are often the heart of our community and act as a place of safety for many of our children who are living with or have experienced domestic abuse. Read more
I could talk and talk about our service indefinitely I guess because I want you to feel comfortable I want you to feel that you can trust us with your own individual story, but now it is time for you to hear a bit less from me and a bit more from people who have used our service, and what other agencies may tell you about our service Read more
My point to you all today is to continue to ensure you that as IDVA’s we can help and we will help with all sorts of issues that matter to you, simple and not so simple. We may not always have the solution right away, but we will help you get there, we will help you see the wood for the trees, to see that there can be a light at the end of that tunnel and you will then understand why all of a sudden you have so many people wanting to talk to you. Read more
I have found that some clients tend to play the abuse down if it hasn’t got physical, but what a lot of people don’t realise is, any type of abuse can have the same effect on one person, sometimes even worse. For example, emotional abuse can have just as much affect on one person as physical abuse can. The bruises and scars that are not visible from psychological, emotional and coercive abuse take a long time to heal. All domestic abuse is a crime and no one should have to live in fear. Read more