Behind the statistic, lives affected by stalking…

For many survivors, stalking doesn’t start with one dramatic incident. It often begins with boundaries being ignored. While stalking can happen to anyone, it is more common after the end of an intimate relationship and is often driven by a need to regain control. The impact can be deeply traumatic and life‑changing.

Stalking is a pattern of behaviour that wears away at someone’s sense of safety and emotional wellbeing over time. Separation is a known point of escalation. When control is challenged, behaviours can intensify. In UK policing, stalking is recognised as a predictor of domestic homicide. An escalation of behaviour can have devastating consequences, with data showing that most domestic homicides occur within 6 months of separation. 41% of women killed by a current or former partner had separated or were trying to. 30% were killed in the first month and 70% within the first year.

Behind every statistic is a real person. Last year, we supported 234 victims of stalking, each with their own story and a few survivors have allowed us to share parts of their experiences to highlight just how damaging stalking can be.

One survivor was stalked after separating from her husband. Despite clear requests for him to stop, he continued with constant messages and calls, doing everything he could to make his presence felt and take back control. Closure became impossible. Over time, his behaviour escalated, from unwanted contact to turning up in person, monitoring movements and making threats of self-harm. This can be an abusive person’s tactic, in aim to attempt ideas of self-guilt, responsibility and place blame at the hands of the victim, the abusive person is manipulating to gain control back.

One survivor said:

“I would clearly draw a line in the sand, but that line was repeatedly crossed. A non-abusive person respects boundaries and stops contac when asked” and “I’ve had to change my routines and I’m always aware of what’s around me.”

Having to be constantly alert is a common feeling when being stalked. Survivors often change routines, stay hyper‑aware of their surroundings and begin to doubt their own reactions. The mental exhaustion can be overwhelming and just as harmful as physical abuse.

Home, a place that should feel safe, can become frightening. As one survivor told us:

“It’s felt like living in a haunted house. Even when nothing is happening, there’s a constant fear that something could happen at any time. It can make you question yourself and feel like you’re losing your mind.”

In one case, safety planning with their assigned IDVA (Independent Domestic Abuse Adviser), who also assisted with a house application, helped a survivor relocate. Too often, it’s the survivor who has to leave their home, support networks and community, while the perpetrator’s life goes on as normal.

For survivors with children, the impact can be even greater. Protecting children while managing fear, trauma and sometimes, complex family court processes is incredibly challenging. Stalking rarely affects just one person, it impacts the whole family.

Many survivors also face difficulties when seeking protection. Delays and unclear decision-making can leave people feeling unheard. Legal measures like court orders are important, but they don’t physically stop someone from making contact. Risk doesn’t disappear just because communication pauses.

Specialist support can make a huge difference. IDVAs help survivors understand risk, document patterns, plan for safety and feel believed. One survivor told us:

“They helped me understand the risk, put safety measures in place and made sure my situation was taken seriously.”

Stalking is a serious crime that can escalate and cause lasting harm. If something feels wrong or frightening, it’s enough to seek help.

We asked one of our survivors what they felt needed to change most:

“There needs to be better recognition of patterns and fixation, even when contact has stopped. Court orders help, but they don’t physically stop someone. The risk can still be there.”

This is why awareness matters. National Stalking Awareness Week helps shine a light on these realities, but this conversation needs to continue all year round. We must challenge myths, recognise patterns early and take survivors seriously.

If you or someone you know is experiencing stalking, help is available. Stalking is a crime and early support can save lives.

Contact us on 01206 500585 or COMPASS on 0330 333 7 444.