Skip over main navigation
  • Log in
  • Basket: (0 items)
Next Chapter
  • Facebook
  • Twitter

Get help: 0330 333 7 444  or 01206 500585

Get Help Donate
Menu
  • About us
    • Vision, Mission & Values
    • Working for us
    • Current Vacancies
    • Meet Our Board
    • Our Policies
  • What is Abuse?
    • What is domestic abuse?
    • Is my relationship healthy?
    • Keeping yourself safe
    • Thinking about leaving
    • Leaving Safely
  • How we help you
    • Our Services
    • Covid-19 - what are we doing?
    • Help in an emergency
    • Community support
    • Refuge accommodation
    • Resettlement
    • Children and Young People's services
    • Signposting and other help
  • News, Impact and stories
    • Next Chapter Blog
    • Stories
    • Share your story
    • Case studies
    • International Women's Day 2021
  • Ways to support
    • Donate online
    • Donating Items & Goods
    • Appeals
    • Fundraise
      • Fundraising ideas
      • Create a fundraiser
      • Fundraisers
    • Volunteer for Us
  • For professionals
    • Our approach
    • Professional referrals
  • 01206500585
    • Log in
  • Basket: (0 items)
  • Leaving Safely

Leaving Safely

In an emergency, always call the police on 999

What to pack if you are planning to leave your partner

Ideally, you need to take all the following items with you if you leave. Some of these items you can try to keep with you at all times; others you may be able to pack in your “emergency bag”.

  • Some form of identification
  • Birth certificates for you and your children.
    Passports (including passports for all your children), visas and work permits.
  • Money, bankbooks, cheque book and credit and debit cards.
  • Keys for house, car, and place of work. (You could get an extra set of keys cut, and put them in your emergency bag.)
  • Cards for payment of Child Benefit and any other welfare benefits you are entitled to.
  • Driving licence (if you have one) and car registration documents, if applicable.
  • Prescribed medication.
  • Copies of documents relating to your housing tenure (for example, mortgage details or lease and rental agreements).
  • Insurance documents, including national insurance number.
  • Address book.
  • Family photographs, your diary, jewellery, small items of sentimental value.
  • Clothing and toiletries for you and your children.
  • Your children’s favourite small toys.
  • You should also take any documentation relating to the abuse – e.g. police reports, court orders such as injunctions and restraining orders, and copies of medical records if you have them

Protecting yourself after you have left

If you leave your partner because of abuse, you may not want people to know the reason you left.

It is your decision whether or not you tell people that you have suffered domestic abuse; but if you believe you may still be at risk, it might increase your safety if you tell your family and friends, your children’s school, and your employer or college what is happening, so that they do not inadvertently give out any information to your ex-partner. They will also be more prepared and better able to help you in an emergency.

If you have left home, but are staying in the same town or area, these are some of the ways in which you might be able to increase your safety:

  • Try not to place yourself in a vulnerable position or isolate yourself.
  • Try to avoid any places, such as shops, banks, cafes, that you used to use when you were together.
  • Try to alter your routines as much as you can.
  • If you have any regular appointments that your partner knows about (for example, with a counsellor or health practitioner) try to change your appointment time and/or the location of the appointment.
  • Try to choose a safe route, or alter the route you take or the form of transport you use, when approaching or leaving places you cannot avoid – such as your place of work, the children’s school, or your GP’s surgery.
  • Tell your children’s school, nursery or childminder what has happened, and let them know who will pick them up. Make sure they do not release the children to anyone else, or give your new address or telephone number to anyone. (You may want to establish a password with them, and give them copies of any court orders, if you have them.)
  • Consider telling your employer or others at your place of work – particularly if you think your partner may try to contact you there.

If you have moved away from your area, and don’t want your abuser to know where you are, then you need to take particular care with anything that may indicate your location; for example:

  • Your mobile phone could be ‘tracked’; this is only supposed to happen if you have given your permission, but if your partner has had access to your mobile phone, he could have sent a consenting message purporting to come from you. If you think this could be the case, you should contact the company providing the tracking facility and withdraw your permission; or if you are in any doubt, change your phone.
  • Try to avoid using shared credit or debit cards or joint bank accounts: if the statement is sent to your ex-partner, he will see the transactions you have made.
  • Make sure that your address does not appear on any court papers. (If you are staying in a refuge, they will advise you on this.)
    If you need to phone your abuser (or anyone with whom he is in contact), make sure your telephone number is untraceable by dialling 141 before ringing.
  • Talk to your children about the need to keep your address and location confidential.
  • Victims of stalking and domestic abuse are now allowed to join the electoral register anonymously, so ensure they are not put at risk, and do not lose the right to vote.

Anyone wanting to register their details anonymously must provide evidence such as an order under the Family Law Act 1996 or the Protection from Harassment Act 1997. If an application is granted, the details that appear on the register only have a person’s electoral number and the letter N.

If you stay or return to your home

If you stay or return to your home after your partner has left, then you will probably have an occupation order or a protection order (see Getting an injunction).

If the injunction has powers of arrest attached, then do make sure that your local police station has a copy, and that the police know that they need to respond quickly in an emergency.

However, it is important to know that you do not have to stay at home – with or without an injunction – if you do not feel safe there.

Staying Safe In Your Home

Links to support available 

Community Support

link to quick referral form

Published: 19th February, 2019

Updated: 19th March, 2019

Author: Beverley Jones

Share this page
  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Twitter

Latest

  • Lorna's Interview for International Women's Day!

    Lorna's Interview for International Women's Day!

    What better way to celebrate IWD 2021 than by sharing some amazing stories and information from our staff. Please click to read Lorna's, our Refuge Accommodation & Complex Needs Manager, interview to find out what made her want to work supporting victims of domestic abuse!

  • Women Who Kill

    Women Who Kill

    As the culmination of 4 years of research by the Women's Centre for Justice into the criminal justice response to women who kill abusive men, this offers thought provoking insights into how the law, and how it is applied, prevents women from accessing justice...

  • Sexual Abuse in a Relationship

    Sexual Abuse in a Relationship

    It is so important to raise awareness of sexual abuse, the many forms it can take and why many women subconsciously accept the abuse as normal in their relationship.

  • Sexual Abuse Awareness Week

    Sexual Abuse Awareness Week

    Rape and sexual assaults do happen in relationships and if something isn’t comfortable or not wanted then regardless of relationship status should not happen.

Most read

  • How to move forward from loss and grief

    How to move forward from loss and grief

    These are all perfectly natural feelings and reactions to loss and grief and some may even compare it to a bereavement. Even if you don’t feel that way at all you may have been left feeling empty and confused or angry. We might constantly be bargaining with ourselves still or find that depression has taken over. We all deal with loss in our own individual ways and this is what makes each of us so unique. This is perfectly normal too.

  • How does domestic abuse differ in other cultures?

    How does domestic abuse differ in other cultures?

    The actions of individuals are influenced by the norms, values, language, and other cultural factors that are like the dust in the air that surrounds everyone. These cultural factors are ingrained in us from the day we are born, and can play a role in either ending or perpetuating domestic abuse.

  • Sexual Abuse Awareness Week

    Sexual Abuse Awareness Week

    Rape and sexual assaults do happen in relationships and if something isn’t comfortable or not wanted then regardless of relationship status should not happen.

  • Special Place in the Home

    Special Place in the Home

    So, you survived Monday!  Well done.  One of the things that I am really missing is seeing my friends and family – we know that ‘being connected’ is really important for our mental health and emotional wellbeing.  Having close positive relationships gives us a purpose and a sense of belonging.  During this lockdown many of the ways we are usually connected to people – friends, family, work colleagues, school chums – have changed beyond all recognition.

  • The Role of an Independent Domestic Violence Advisor

    The Role of an Independent Domestic Violence Advisor

    So, imagine for a moment that you’ve summoned up the courage to finally leave, you’re feeling vulnerable and afraid and understandably really nervous about what the future might hold –you have to try and find your way through all that…. that's if you even knew half of it existed in the first place or where and how to start to getting in touch with them… So that's where we IDVA’S come in.

  • Safety begins at home.....?

    Safety begins at home.....?

    We know from speaking to our clients, that the lockdown has meant that some perpetrators may not be able to feed their addictions, or they may be over feeding their addictions due to boredom or frustration and this in turn will be affecting their mental health. There is so much research about the dangerous cocktail of this ‘toxic trio’ (the combination of domestic abuse, substance misuse and mental health issues) as it leads to emotions being intensified which in turn drives behaviours.

  • Covid-19 - what are we doing?

    Covid-19 - what are we doing?

    As part of our commitment to individuals experiencing domestic abuse and their families who are worried about them - we’re doing our very best to make sure that we are always available to respond and help.  Your safety and wellbeing is of paramount importance to us and we are prioritising our services in relation to safety and support above everything else.

  • Me, Myself and Abuser….

    Me, Myself and Abuser….

    Slowly I started to realised that this would never change. That my prince charming doesn’t exist, it was just a mask and a trap to lure me in. I started looking for a way out. I couldn’t tell my friends and family the truth, they would judge me. They would ask me questions like “why didn’t you leave before?”, “why did you stay?” and “why did you have a baby with him?”. They would never understand that the hope my prince charming would return was stronger that any rational thinking.

  • Help in an emergency

    Help in an emergency

    What to do in an emergency. If you think that you are in immediate danger then you need to call 999 for the police.

  • My abuser has given me…. Trauma Bonding

    My abuser has given me…. Trauma Bonding

    Jane struggled to understand why it happened to her, what was wrong with her and how to break the emotional ties to her abuser. Sharing a child with Toni made it even more difficult as he would often accuse her of preventing him from being a father as a further way to manipulate her and play on her emotions. Jane has found herself torn between being told not to go back for her safety and the safety of her child and feelings of love and the believe that she needs to help Toni.

Join our mailing list

Please enter your first name
Please enter your last name
Please enter your email address Please enter a valid email address (e.g. [email protected])
  • Contact us
  • Careers
  • Sitemap
  • Terms & Conditions
  • Privacy policy
  • Accessibility

Phone: 01206 500585

Phone: 01206 761276

[email protected]

Next Chapter is a company limited by guarantee registered in England and Wales under number 02266883 and registered as a Charity number 1058295. Registered office Next Chapter, P.O. Box 40, Colchester, Essex, CO1 2XJ © Copyright 2019 The Next Chapter (East of England). All rights reserved.